literally had 100 drinks last night.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
