This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
