Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
