Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
