im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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