he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
