Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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