the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you didnt know i had herpes?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
