Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
