I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
organizing the empties. That sober.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
