You really coming over, don't trick.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
