Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Randomize