So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
