Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
