wrigley field is MILF paradise
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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