I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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