I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
