Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
