ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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