I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
