I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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