I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
