I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
