she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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