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Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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