i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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