Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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