Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
