i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
