Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
