Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
this beer tastes like vomit already
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Randomize
