you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
