i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Randomize