you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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