You smell like a Billy Joel song
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
