in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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