can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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