I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
