i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
