look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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