what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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