capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
