Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
