I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
