oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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