i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize