I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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