i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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