Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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