i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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