Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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