no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
