I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
