No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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