I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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