The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
