he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
