Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
me + whiskey = a bad person
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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