maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
