Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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